Wasting Away
by Ruining Hopes and Dreams
Summary: Newleaf was beginning; a time for rebirth, new life, and bright skies. All would be well again. The Clan would move on. All but one.


**This story is for the Monthly Writing Challenge at WillowClan. The prompt was:**

_Newleaf was beginning; a time for rebirth, new life, and bright skies. The harsh leaf-bare was over._

**I hope you enjoy reading it. :D**

**My thanks go to Amber (AmberyAmber) for being my Beta.**

* * *

_Newleaf was beginning; a time for rebirth, new life, and bright skies. All would be well again. The Clan would move on. All but one._

* * *

He could remember it all so clearly, all of the agony ShadowClan had been through the past few moons. There had been the lack of prey, the ThunderClan attack and worst of all, the sickness.

He could remember it like it was happening in front of his eyes. The cats yowling in pain, the look of desperation in a queen's eyes as she lost her kits, the blood pouring from a wound in an apprentice's shoulder. It had been a harsh leaf-bare for all the Clans, but none had suffered more than ShadowClan.

Redfoot lay in the elder's den, his ginger tail wrapped around him. To any who didn't know he was breathing, he could have been dead, barely moving. However, the ginger tom was in perfectly good health. At least, he was physically. The medicine cat apprentice, Whitepaw, had said that he was perfectly healthy. It was his mind that was affected. It was the memories that were killing him.

Leaf-bare had aged Redfoot. It had aged everyone. At least, it had aged those who had lived.

* * *

After his mate had died, he had mourned for a moon before moving on. She had died so that the kits and queens could be fed first. Without eating a thing herself, she had hunted day and night. Redfoot had understood her choice. He would have done the same if he hadn't had an injury. He had been confined to the medicine den, forbidden to leave no matter how much he protested.

When she had died, he had left the medicine den, not letting anyone get in his way. If he hadn't been injured, he could have hunted too. He would have put less strain on her, and maybe she would have lived.

Either way, soon after her death, the Clan managed to find more prey. On ThunderClan's territory.

* * *

ThunderClan hadn't responded well to the stealing of prey. The ShadowClan leader, Icestar, hadn't been sure which was worse—the shortage of prey, or the loss of his warriors.

ThunderClan had given them a warning, telling them to stay off their territory, or they would attack. The desperate ShadowClan cats hadn't a choice, and had continued taking prey.

In one day, they lost three Clanmates. One, a mere apprentice named Blackpaw. She had only just begun her training. The second had been Longclaw, the deputy. The third had been Icestar, leaving the Clan with no one to be leader.

The strongest warrior in the Clan, Oaktail, took over.

He refused to give in, refused to die. He ordered the warriors to get prey from anywhere, including carrionplace.

* * *

The desperate cats hadn't bothered to check if the food they took was safe to eat. The sickness had spread through the camp, killing first kits, elders, queens and apprentices.

Redfoot hadn't gotten sick himself, as he had made sure the kits and elders were fed first. He almost wished he hadn't done so, as he was probably responsible for the deaths of many Clanmates.

Redfoot had finally snapped when his only kit, Dawnpaw, had died. With the medicine cat gone, and only little Whitepaw to tend to her, the tiny she-cat had died quickly, though no less painfully than the others.

Oakstar had been too proud to ask for help, and he died for his mistake.

Eventually, the harsh leaf-bare had ended. Whitepaw had worked out the cure to the sickness with help from StarClan, and he had worked to heal the remaining cats. The prey returned to the forest. ShadowClan rebuilt themselves from their remains.

Kits had been born. Whitepaw had begun his training with the WindClan medicine cat, who had offered to help. ShadowClan's new leader, Smallstar, was working hard to restore their Clan, sacrificing his pride in order to help ShadowClan survive.

Despite their recovery, the Clan mourned. They had lost fine Clanmates, beloved family and loyal warriors. Redfoot hadn't been the only one to lose family.

He knew for a fact that many had lost all their kits, or a mate, or a littermate.

However, none of his Clanmates had lost their sanity.

* * *

Redfoot sighed, shifting slightly.

"Hey, Redfoot." It was Swiftkit, one of the only kits to make it through leaf-bare. She was being cared for by one of the newer queens, as her mother had died during the sickness. She was just six moons of age, almost ready to be an apprentice, but she still visited him every day for a story.

"Hello, Swiftkit," he mewed.

"Can you tell me about Snowfur?"

The ginger tom started, staring at the little kit who stared at him with pure curiosity in her eyes. It was understandable, he supposed. His mate had been the one to provide the kits with food to get them through leaf-bare.

So he told her of Snowfur.

He told her of their time as apprentices together.

He told her of how she had saved him from drowning when part of the territory had flooded.

He told her of how brave she had been, going out in the snow to hunt for the Clan.

Swiftkit sat and listened, her eyes shining. As Redfoot told her Snowfur's death, the light in her eyes slowly faded, eventually replaced with pure sadness. At the end, the tiny black and white she-cat dipped her head to the tom's shoulder before leaving.

Feeling oddly relieved that someone else knew about Snowfur, Redfoot lowered his head to the ground, falling to sleep quickly and effortlessly.

* * *

"Will you tell me of Dawnpaw?"

Redfoot told her of Dawnpaw.

He told her of the kit he had been so proud of, of the grief he had felt when she died.

When he finished, he looked so sad that Swiftkit didn't know what to do. She left the den quickly, not looking back at the tom.

Redfoot stared at the den's wall. He missed Dawnpaw, and he knew that no kit could ever replace her. And yet... Swiftkit reminded him of her, so much.

* * *

"_You don't have to grieve for me, father."_

"_D-D-Dawnpaw?"_

"_Yes." The she-cat's voice was filled with amusement._

_"I-"_

_"You're wasting away." No more amusement could be found in her voice._

"_I don't have anyone to live for."_

"_What about Swiftkit?"_

* * *

The next morning, when Swiftkit came to visit, Redfoot wasn't in his den. The kit, who had come to tell him of her apprentice ceremony, was scared. She raced out of the elder's den, ready to tell Smallstar about the missing elder.

Instead, when she approached the leader's den, she saw the missing elder in question speaking with the black tom who was ShadowClan's leader.

The kit was curious, but too scared to eavesdrop. Instead, she returned to the entrance of the elder's den, to wait for Redfoot there.

He never showed up. Soon enough, her mother arrived to take her to the apprentice ceremony.

* * *

"From this day forward, until she has earned her warrior name, this apprentice will be called Swiftpaw."

Although she was still confused and scared about Redfoot, Swiftpaw couldn't help but be excited about her ceremony. She nodded.

"Redfoot."

Swiftpaw looked up in surprise as the tom walked up to the front. As she stared at him in confusion, his eyes twinkled with amusement. Without his eyes filled with grief, he looked a lot younger, she realised. He couldn't be older than twenty moons.

"You are ready for your first apprentice. Our friend Longclaw was your mentor. I expect you will pass on all his courage and loyalty to Swiftpaw."

Swiftpaw moved to touch noses with her new mentor, still completely bewildered.

* * *

"Why?"

"It seemed like the right thing to do. And... I had a sign from StarClan."

"What‽"

"Dawnpaw doesn't want me to grieve over her. She wants me to live."

"And, just like that, you stopped grieving?"

"No, of course not. I just stopped moping around and acting like my life was over."

"And why did you want to be my mentor?"

"Because," Redfoot said as if it were obvious, "you're the one that helped me see that not everything was hopeless."

* * *

_The leaf-bare had been harsh, yes. They had lost warriors, their deputy, and their leader. They had lost kin, they had lost hope._

_But ShadowClan was rebuilding itself from its remains, and their new leader stood strong._

_Hope was returning, and ShadowClan dared to dream that they would survive after all._

_Newleaf was beginning, a time for rebirth, new life, and bright skies. All would be well again, and the Clan would move on. Including Redfoot. He had Swiftpaw to train, and she was shaping up to be a fine warrior._

_He would never forget his family. He would never forget Snowfur, he would never forget Dawnpaw._

_But most importantly, he wouldn't forget that he did have a reason to live._

_His apprentice, who reminded him of his own kit._

_Swiftpaw._


End file.
